I entered Holy Cross formation, for what was called the candidate year, when I was 29. I stepped foot inside Moreau Seminary for the first time on August 16, 1989. A few days later, all the seminarians went out to Deer Park in Maryland for a week of welcoming and training and then returned for the start of the academic year. We learned to eat, pray, and play together. I registered for my academic classes which consisted of reading Merton, McBrien, and Aquinas. The year was off to a great start. I was enthusiastic about joining in the communal prayer, or the liturgy of the hours, and attending the daily mass. I didn’t mind doing the chores for my obedience which included cleaning. I had even brought my cornet from my undergraduate years at Notre Dame and occasionally played at the Mass at Moreau Seminary. The Spring semester challenged me with existentialists like Buber, Kierkegaard, and Nietzsche plus a course on the Synoptic Gospels where I finished the academic year by writing a paper on the Last Supper. I encountered many visitors, mostly Holy Cross religious from all over the world, at mealtime during the year and learned a lot. During my candidate year, I grew much and in ways I did not expect.
After a six-week trip around Western Europe during the summer break, I reported to the novitiate in Cascade, Colorado, on August 14, 1990. There, in the shadow of Pike’s Peak, I continued to discern my Christian vocation. I had the good fortune of serving as a hospital chaplain and enjoyed the solitude of personal retreats. But the longer I was there, the more evident it became to me and everyone else that I was not being called to be a Holy Cross religious. I flew home to Georgia on November 13, 1990, with the blessing of the novices, our novice master, and staff.
Looking back on it, I believe what prompted the search that led to Holy Cross was a trip I took to Canada in March of 1988. My Mother and I were visiting a relative in Ottawa and we had flown into Montreal and rented a car. We were driving around Montreal, and I noticed a huge building up on a hill with cars parked all around it. We stopped and went inside amid a crowd of people and noticed that wherever I turned crutches were hanging from the ceiling along with streams of rows of lit votive candles. Without realizing it beforehand, it turned out to be the Feast of St. Joseph. I bought a book about Blessed Brother André Bessette, C.S.C., from the bookshop there at the Oratory of St. Joseph and read his story. I was moved by how the lowliest member of the Congregation was used by God to perform mighty and miraculous healing for the thousands who came to see him. The following August, I began talking to the Vocations Director at Moreau after examining many other religious communities and my own diocese. Little did I realize that Brother André was destined to become a saint after being canonized on October 17, 2010 – the day after my mother’s 75th birthday.
After returning to Georgia after departing the novitiate, I held some jobs doing corporate accounting and stayed active in the Catholic Church at my parish. It wasn’t until the year 2000 when upon the recommendation of a friend, who was also my boss at work, that I interviewed at a young nonprofit organization based in Atlanta that served children with mental health disabilities and helped their parents, too. I began my employment there on November 14, 2000, and have been there ever since with plans to retire from that organization in a few years. I am their financial officer and have enjoyed my work with both people and numbers. Almost every day I witness coincidences, or little miracles in my life and can’t help but wonder that maybe Saint André is up there with all the other angels and saints performing wonders that can’t be explained.
One day in December 2003, I got a phone call from my friend who had recommended the nonprofit organization where I was employed. I thought he was calling just to catch up or shoot the breeze. Instead, he gave me the phone number of his daughter. After the Christmas holidays, I called Amy and after meeting at McDonald’s for the first time, we hit it off instantly and dated for the next several months. I proposed in November 2004, and we were married on May 29, 2005, in Georgia. For the most part, we were very happy. She went through the RCIA process as a candidate, having been baptized as an infant in the Methodist Church, and on March 22, 2008, became a full member of the Catholic Church at the Easter Vigil at Immaculate Heart of Mary. We were not able to have children but have stayed active at our home parish. Amy is a part of Creative Hands which is a ministry that uses artistic talent to make various types of helpful things for the sick and the elderly. I am a member of a prayer group, the men’s group, and a long-time choir member.
Although Holy Cross is not geographically close to me and my family, it will always be close in mind and spirit. I still use the knowledge of accounting I learned at Notre Dame during my undergraduate years, and I draw upon my experience as a seminarian to deepen my interior life. I rely on Saint André to guide me in my work as an accountant and to help me in my quest to make the world a better place. I look forward to the monthly reflection series produced by the Congregation as well as news about its members. I am happy to support Holy Cross through prayer and regular contributions. While religious orders flourish and fade like anything else in life, I believe there will always be a place for Holy Cross in the Church and in the world. Through education, parish, and mission its faithful presence and good works seek to uplift the well-being of humanity in search of the road to a better future. As Father Moreau declared, “The Cross is our only hope.” May it be so.
Author: John Zolkowski
Published: August 9, 2024
